When Your Lawyer Fails You: 7 Signs It's Time to Fire Them
I'm paying $400 an hour for a lawyer who won't return my calls. Who lets deadlines slide. Who tells me to "just wait and see." Brother, sometimes the person who's supposed to fight for you becomes another obstacle. Here's how to know when it's time to cut them loose.
I remember the exact moment I knew. I was sitting in a hearing, watching my $50,000 attorney fumble through my case file like he'd never seen it before. He got my kids' names wrong. He forgot to submit evidence we'd discussed three times. He didn't object when her lawyer made claims we'd already disproven. I watched the judge's face change from neutral to skeptical—not of the evidence, but of my representation.
That's when it hit me: My lawyer was costing me more than money. He was costing me time with my kids.
You chose a lawyer during one of the worst moments of your life. You were desperate, scared, maybe broke. You picked from whoever would take your retainer check. Now you're months in, thousands deep, and you're starting to wonder if this person is actually helping or just collecting checks.
Let me help you figure it out.
The Hard Truth About Family Law Attorneys
Not all lawyers are created equal. Some are brilliant advocates who'll fight like hell for your kids. Others are overwhelmed, incompetent, or just going through the motions. Family law is a specialty—some attorneys understand the dynamics of high-conflict custody cases, and others just know how to file paperwork.
Here's what nobody tells you: Your desperation makes you vulnerable. When you're served with a restraining order and you need representation NOW, you'll sign with whoever's available. They know this. Some attorneys use it.
Changing lawyers mid-case is terrifying. Will the new lawyer be able to catch up? Will the judge view it negatively? How much will it cost to get someone else up to speed? These fears keep fathers trapped with bad representation long past when they should have fired them.
But here's the scarier truth: A bad lawyer can lose your case. And you can't get those years with your kids back.
The 7 Red Flags
Red Flag 1: Communication Blackout
What It Looks Like
You call. No answer. You email. No response. Days pass. You call again. The assistant says they're "in court" or "with another client" or "they'll get back to you soon." They don't. You find out about court dates from your ex's lawyer. You discover filings were due yesterday and your attorney forgot to tell you.
I once left twelve voicemails over two weeks. Twelve. When my lawyer finally called back, he couldn't remember what my case was about.
Why It's a Problem
You're the client. You're paying them. If they can't be bothered to communicate with you, how hard are they fighting for you in court? Communication breakdowns mean missed deadlines, lost opportunities, and evidence that doesn't get submitted because you couldn't reach your attorney in time to get it to them.
What to Do
Document every attempt to contact them. Every call, email, text—write down the date, time, and method. Send an email setting communication expectations: "I expect a response within 24 business hours to all emails and within 48 hours to all calls. If you cannot meet this expectation, please let me know so I can consider my options."
Give one warning in writing. If nothing changes, that documented communication pattern becomes evidence for your state bar complaint and makes it easier to switch attorneys without looking flaky to the judge.
Red Flag 2: Unfamiliar with Your Case
What It Looks Like
You sit down for a meeting. They ask you to remind them about your kids' ages. They call you by the wrong name. They reference facts from someone else's case. They ask questions you already answered in previous meetings. They haven't read recent filings from opposing counsel.
I watched my lawyer confuse my case with another client's during a hearing. He brought up an allegation that wasn't even in my restraining order. The judge corrected him. My face burned with embarrassment.
Why It's a Problem
Family law is detail-intensive. Kids' names, ages, schedules, specific incidents, timelines—all of it matters. An attorney who doesn't know your case can't effectively argue it. They miss opportunities, fumble responses, and make you look unprepared by extension.
What to Do
Test their knowledge in your next meeting. Ask specific questions about your case that they should know cold: "What did opposing counsel say in last week's filing about the visitation schedule?" "What's our strategy for addressing the domestic violence allegations?"
If they stumble or ask you to remind them of basic facts, request a written case summary from them. Their inability to produce it tells you everything. If they're just overloaded with too many cases, they may acknowledge it. If they're incompetent, they'll make excuses.
Red Flag 3: Misses Deadlines
What It Looks Like
Filings are late. Evidence gets submitted at the last minute—or not at all. They rush to prepare the night before hearings. You get continuances not because of strategy, but because your lawyer wasn't ready. The judge comments on the tardiness of your filings.
My lawyer missed the deadline to respond to her motion for full custody. We had to go into the hearing without our response on record. We were fighting with one hand tied behind our backs because he forgot to file on time.
Why It's a Problem
Family law has strict deadlines. Miss them and you lose rights, lose opportunities, or get sanctioned by the court. Late filings suggest disorganization at best and incompetence at worst. Judges notice. Opposing counsel notices. They'll use it against you.
What to Do
Track all deadlines yourself. When the court sends you documents, note the response deadlines. Send calendar reminders to your attorney. If they miss a deadline, document it in writing: "The deadline for X was [date]. It was not filed. This has impacted my case by [specific impact]. I need assurance this won't happen again."
If it happens twice, that's a pattern. Document it and prepare to switch.
Red Flag 4: Doesn't Fight
What It Looks Like
Every recommendation is to settle. To not file motions you need. To "keep the peace" while she violates court orders repeatedly. "Let's not rock the boat." "The judge won't like it if you're too aggressive." "Just give her what she wants for now."
I asked my lawyer to file for contempt after my ex denied visitation twelve times in six weeks. He said it would "make me look petty." Brother, enforcing a court order isn't petty. It's the law.
Why It's a Problem
Some lawyers are conflict-averse. They don't want to fight because fighting is hard work. Or they're afraid of certain judges, certain opposing attorneys, certain conflict levels. But sometimes fighting is exactly what your case needs. If your attorney won't advocate aggressively when it's warranted, you're not getting what you're paying for.
What to Do
Push back in writing. "You advised against filing a contempt motion for the repeated visitation violations. I'd like to understand your legal reasoning for this position. What case law or strategic considerations support not enforcing the court order?"
Get a second opinion consultation with another attorney. Explain your situation and your current lawyer's advice. See if the new attorney agrees or thinks you should be more aggressive.
Ask yourself: Is my lawyer being strategic, or just avoiding work?
Red Flag 5: Incompetent in Court
What It Looks Like
They're unprepared for hearings. They don't object when opposing counsel lies or distorts facts. They fumble with evidence. They forget to bring documents. They let her lawyer walk all over them. They miss opportunities to cross-examine. They present poorly, stumble over words, look disorganized.
I watched my attorney fail to object to hearsay five times in one hearing. FIVE TIMES. Her lawyer presented "evidence" that was inadmissible, and my guy just sat there. I didn't know enough about law at the time to recognize it, but the judge's clerk told me later that was bad representation.
Why It's a Problem
Court performance is what matters most. That's where your case is won or lost. An attorney who can't think on their feet, who doesn't know the rules of evidence, who presents poorly—they're actively harming your case.
What to Do
Attend every single hearing. Take detailed notes. Watch how opposing counsel performs compared to yours. Watch other attorneys in the courtroom before your case is called. Notice the difference.
After the hearing, ask your attorney specific questions: "Why didn't you object when her attorney said [X]?" "Why didn't we bring up [Y] evidence?" If they have good answers, fine. If they fumble or make excuses, trust your gut.
Red Flag 6: Billing Shenanigans
What It Looks Like
You get a bill with vague descriptions: "Review file. Phone call. Legal research." No detail about what was reviewed, who was called, what was researched. You're charged for administrative tasks that should be paralegal work. You see charges for calls you never had. The hours don't match up with the work you've seen done.
My favorite was being charged $400 for a "phone conference" that never happened. When I questioned it, the assistant said it must have been an "internal strategy call about my case." I was paying for them to talk to themselves about me.
Why It's a Problem
You're already hemorrhaging money. If your attorney is padding bills or being dishonest about charges, you're not just being overcharged—you're working with someone who lacks integrity. And if they'll lie about billing, what else are they dishonest about?
What to Do
Demand itemized billing with every invoice. Question every charge you don't understand. Compare billings to your own records of calls and meetings. If something doesn't match, put your objection in writing: "I'm being billed for a phone call on [date] that didn't occur. Please adjust this billing error."
Check your retainer agreement. What are you supposed to be charged for and at what rate? If they're violating the agreement, that's grounds for a state bar complaint and withholding payment.
If you find fraudulent billing, report it to your state bar immediately.
Red Flag 7: Tells You What You Want to Hear
What It Looks Like
"You're definitely going to win this." "The judge will see right through her lies." "We have a slam-dunk case." "Don't worry about any of this." They never give you hard truths. Never prepare you for bad outcomes. Never manage expectations. Just constant reassurance.
My first attorney told me I'd definitely get primary custody because I was the stable parent. He said judges "always see through" false accusations. He promised me everything would work out. I lost temporary custody at the first hearing. He was shocked. I was devastated.
Why It's a Problem
Good lawyers manage expectations. They tell you the realistic best and worst case scenarios. They prepare you for the challenges. They don't promise outcomes they can't control. An attorney who only tells you good news is either incompetent or stringing you along to keep collecting fees.
What to Do
Ask hard questions: "What's the worst case scenario here?" "What if the judge doesn't believe me?" "What are the weaknesses in our case?" A good lawyer will have honest answers. A bad one will wave away your concerns.
Get a second opinion. Tell another attorney what yours is saying. See if they agree with the assessment. If they don't, ask why your attorney is being unrealistic.
Trust your gut. If something feels too good to be true, it probably is.
How to Fire Your Lawyer (Without Destroying Your Case)
So you've decided they need to go. Here's how to do it strategically:
Consider Timing
Don't fire your lawyer the week before a major hearing unless you absolutely have to. The transition will hurt your case. If you can wait until after a key court date, do it. But if they're so incompetent they'll lose the hearing anyway, it might be worth the risk.
Document Their Failures
Before you fire them, compile documentation:
- Missed communications (dates, times, methods)
- Missed deadlines (specific dates and impact)
- Errors in court or filings (with examples)
- Billing issues (with invoices showing problems)
- Any other specific failures
This protects you from accusations that you're a difficult client. It also supports your request to get part of your retainer back or file a bar complaint if needed.
Get Your File
You're entitled to your complete case file. Request it in writing before you fire them: "I'm requesting a complete copy of my case file, including all filings, correspondence, evidence, notes, and billing records. Please provide this within [your state's required timeframe]."
They might stall. They might claim they need to keep it. Push back. It's your file. You paid for it.
Find Replacement First
Don't fire your lawyer until you have a new one lined up. You don't want to be unrepresented. Start consultations with new attorneys while you still have current representation. Once you choose a new attorney, they can handle the transition.
Fire Them in Writing
Send a formal letter or email: "Effective immediately, I am terminating your representation in my case. Please send me a complete copy of my case file within [timeframe]. Please cease all work on my case and send a final itemized bill. My new attorney will contact you regarding the transition."
Short, professional, no need to list complaints unless you're also filing a bar complaint.
Protect Yourself from Withdrawal Delays
Your soon-to-be-ex-attorney has to file a motion to withdraw with the court. Sometimes they drag their feet to get more billable hours or out of spite. Your new attorney should push for quick approval.
If your case has a court date coming up and your old attorney is delaying withdrawal, your new attorney can file a motion to have them replaced immediately.
File a Bar Complaint If Warranted
If your attorney was incompetent, unethical, or fraudulent, file a complaint with your state bar association. It won't get your money back, but it protects other fathers from the same lawyer. And it matters for the record.
Questions to Ask Your Next Lawyer
You're not making the same mistake twice. Here's how to vet your next attorney:
Experience Questions:
- How many custody cases have you handled in [your county]?
- What's your experience with false accusations / high-conflict cases / fathers' rights?
- What percentage of your practice is family law?
- Have you worked with Judge [your judge's name] before?
Communication Questions:
- What's your typical response time to client emails and calls?
- Will I work directly with you or primarily with paralegals/associates?
- How do you keep clients updated on case progress?
- What's your policy on after-hours emergency contact?
Strategy Questions:
- What's your initial assessment of my case?
- What are the biggest challenges you see?
- What would your strategy be for addressing [specific issue]?
- How aggressive or conservative is your approach to custody litigation?
Logistics Questions:
- What are your fees and billing practices?
- How often will I receive itemized bills?
- What's included in your retainer and what costs extra?
- What's your policy on returning unused retainer funds?
Red Flags in Consultations:
- They guarantee outcomes
- They badmouth all other lawyers
- They won't give you straight answers about costs
- They seem to not understand your situation
- Your gut says something's off
Trust that gut. You've been burned once. Don't ignore warning signs again.
The Investment That Matters
Good legal representation isn't cheap. But bad legal representation costs you everything.
I spent $15,000 on my first lawyer and lost ground in my case. I spent $40,000 on my second lawyer and got my kids back. The second lawyer was worth every penny because she actually fought for me.
When people tell you to get the "best" lawyer, they're not just talking about reputation. They're talking about competence, communication, strategy, and fight. Your lawyer should be your advocate, your guide, and your shield. If they're not, you're paying someone to watch you lose.
When Good Lawyers Have Bad Days
Before I close this, I need to say something: Not every mistake means you need to fire your lawyer.
Good lawyers have bad days. They're human. They juggle dozens of cases. Sometimes they miss a call. Sometimes they need a reminder. Sometimes they make a judgment call you disagree with but have solid legal reasoning behind it.
The difference is how they handle it. Do they acknowledge mistakes and fix them? Do they communicate about challenges? Do they explain their reasoning when you question their strategy? Do they show up prepared the next time?
If your lawyer is generally good but made a couple mistakes, have a direct conversation. Sometimes the relationship can be salvaged. Sometimes all they need is a wake-up call that you're paying attention.
But if the pattern is consistent incompetence, consistent communication failures, consistent lack of fight—that's different. That's when you need to act.
The Hard Decision
Brother, I know how scary this is. You've already invested so much money, so much time, so much emotional energy with this attorney. Starting over feels impossible. Explaining to a new lawyer that your case is worse than when you started feels humiliating. And you're terrified of making another bad choice.
But your kids are counting on you to make the hard decisions. And sometimes the hardest decision is admitting this isn't working and having the courage to change course.
You're paying them to fight for your kids. If they're not fighting, they're stealing from you and your children. Don't stay loyal to someone who's failing you out of fear or sunk cost fallacy.
I fired my lawyer six months into my case. It was the scariest professional decision I'd made in years. I was convinced I'd lose momentum, lose credibility with the judge, lose my chance.
Instead, I got an attorney who knew what she was doing. Who communicated. Who fought. Who prepared. Who won.
Your kids deserve a lawyer who believes in their need for their father. You deserve a lawyer who treats your case like it matters—because it does.
If you're reading this and nodding along to these red flags, you already know what you need to do. Trust yourself. Make the change. Find someone who'll actually fight.
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Changing attorneys mid-case is difficult but sometimes necessary. If you're concerned about your legal representation, consult with other family law attorneys to get a second opinion on your case strategy and your current attorney's performance. Your kids' future is too important to settle for inadequate representation.